


the rogues gallery text

by riddleb9y



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Arkham - All Media Types
Genre: Coronavirus, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dysfunctional Family, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Family, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Memes, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pandemics, Scriddler, Tags May Change, The Rogues Gallery (Batman), The Rogues Gallery as Family (Batman), bc if they're a family you know its a mess, bcs thats how i play this game, hes chilling, i did it, minus victor, they're in quarentine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:09:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riddleb9y/pseuds/riddleb9y
Summary: butiaintnopussy: betrayal is the name of this friend groupsalad.lesbian: we've literally been quarantined together?riddlemethis¿: why r u guys texting then??
Relationships: Harvey Dent & Edward Nygma, Jonathan Crane & Pamela Isley, Jonathan Crane/Edward Nygma, Pamela Isley & Selina Kyle & Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel, Selina Kyle & Edward Nygma, Victor Fries & Everyone
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnjWepuHCRg if you don't understand the musical reference~

badass-broad<3 added salad.lesbian, briefcasebi, ?riddlemethis¿, iceinmyveins, spooky/scary, *sipstea*, and butiaintnopussy to a group chat

badass-broad<3 changed the group chat's name to:   
rogues are we!

salad.lesbian: babe you have to stop memeing over that musical

badass-broad<3: but the theater kids worked so hard

*sipstea*: We're not even in that musical Ms. Quinn

butiaintnopussy: omg thats the first time ive heard you talk like a member of current society

*sipstea*: The rhyming compulsion is easier to control through text

?riddlemethis¿: mood tbh

badass-broad<3: eddie!

?riddlemethis¿: harley!

salad.lesbian: i hate that you two are friends

*sipstea*: Should we not all be friends?

butiaintnopussy: you poor innocent child

butiaintnopussy: betrayal is the name of this friend group

salad.lesbian: we've literally been quarantined together

?riddlemethis¿: why r u guys texting then??

salad.lesbian: ugh gen z

butiaintnopussy: ^

badass-broad<3: ^^

iceinmyveins: ^^^

?riddlemethis¿: even u victor?

iceinmyveins: Especially me

*sipstea*: He is the oldest.

badass-broad<3: sorry eds

?riddlemethis¿: but it's efficient :(

butiaintnopussy: lying only hurts yourself

butiaintnopussy: and to answer your original question, harley and I are organizing my wardrobe 

badass-broad<3: its like a baby fortune XD

*sipstea*: Considering her profession, that would make sense.

iceinmyveins: Edward, how is Jonathan?

salad.lesbian: well that was a change of subject

badass-broad<3: valid question though

*sipstea*: Hatter is the only one offline. Besides Dent, who's in Arkham

?riddlemethis¿: he's sleeping bc i drugged him

?riddlemethis¿: dont worry though

?riddlemethis¿: it was 🙌consensual🙌

salad.lesbian: the dysfunction 

badass-broad<3: id consent to you drugging me for a good reason red

butiaintnopussy: relationship goals

iceinmyveins: Excuse me if this sounds harsh, but you all need therapy.

?riddlemethis¿: mood

badass-broad<3: ^!

salad.lesbian: ^^

*sipstea*: ^^^

…..

spooky/scary: Is this the new low of quarantine?

salad.lesbian: a group chat with everyone you're friends with?

spooky/scary: More like associated with.

spooky/scary: Besides Harley.

badass-broad<3: aw jonny~

?riddlemethis¿: im filing for divorce papers

butiaintnopussy: rip crane

salad.lesbian: ^

iceinmyveins: ^^

*sipstea*: I can hear the sulking

?riddlemethis¿: i will drop kick all of u

salad.lesbian: what does that even mean?

spooky/scary: He's just being childish

?riddlemethis¿: rude straw boi

spooky/scary: I say that again and I'll choke you

?riddlemethis¿: jokes on u 

?riddlemethis¿: im into that

iceinmyveins: As the youngsters say, I need to bleach my eyes

badass-broad<3: O

badass-broad<3: T

badass-broad<3: P

*sipstea*: ^

🤡 entered the chat

salad.lesbian: whom the fuck

🤡: Harley dear, I need more hand sanitizer so I can rob a store

spooky/scary: We're in a pandemic you utter moron

butiaintnopussy: ^

*sipstea*: ^^

iceinmyveins: ^^^

badass-broad<3 removed 🤡 from the group chat

badass-broad<3: haha imagine having a stupid clown for an ex boyfriend

badass-broad<3: ...unless

iceinmyveins: I will say it again, therapy

…..

?riddlemethis¿: crime during quarantine update:

?riddlemethis¿: find bat's email and spam riddles

?riddlemethis¿: wrong answer = virus

briefcasebi: Its fuckin 4am nygma

?riddlemethis¿: harvey! u escaped arkham?

briefcasebi: finally, they suck even worse bc of social distancing

badass-broad<3: its not like we didnt expect that

*sipstea*: May I suggest you three rest?

?riddlemethis¿: i would but the insomnia has been emaculate at my apartment

briefcasebi: You're the one dating Crane

?riddlemethis¿: query and echo r also here and awake

?riddlemethis¿: u dont get to be successful in crime without mental health issues 

badass-broad<3: *sips tea*

*sipstea*: ^!

~private chat~

plantbabe: Harls come to bed

bicon: 💕 okay

plantbabe: love you💕


	2. Chapter 2

*sipstea*: Is water wet?

spooky/scary: For fucks sake

salad.lesbian: here we go

butiaintnopussy: sucked knowing you guys

?riddlemethis¿: as a singular element water is not wet. when water is touching another material then the material is considered wet!!!

*sipstea*: Isn't water touching itself?

briefcasebi: put this fucking conversation away

iceinmyveins:^

spooky/scary: I hear screaming from the bedroom 

butiaintnopussy: isnt that the normal over there?

salad.lesbian: can we stop talking about two white boys screwing please

spooky/scary: A) The father I never knew was hispanic, I'm just white washed from growing up with racist people who repressed me, my race and homosexuality in georgia

spooky/scary: B) Ed broke his phone

briefcasebi: probably the most personal info ive ever heard from you

badass-broad<3: tbh yeah

private chat

Pamela: Sorry for being mean, I didn't know

Crane: Its fine, I know you didn't mean harm

Crane: Also Ed is a white boy and I have a Georgian accent with no cultural appreciation so your point is valid

Pamela: 🎃

Crane: 🥗

…..

butiaintnopussy changed the group chats name to: no one here is is straight

briefcasebi: you make a point

*sipstea*: I’m demisexual, but what about Victor?

iceinmyveins: alli

butiaintnopussy: our nonabusive/nonabsent father figure has arrived

spooky/scary: oh mood

badass-broad<3: …

butiaintnopussy: guessing you stole your bf's phone

spooky/scary changed their username to, presidentoftheriddler?fanclub

presidentoftheriddler?fanclub: yes ma'am

iceinmyveins: dramatic but okay

badass-broad<3 changed their username to presidntofthelesbianplantassociation

salad.lesbian: i mean im not mad

…..

presidentoftheriddler?fanclub: …..

presidentoftheriddler?fanclub: why did you condone this?


	3. Chapter 3

.....

no one here is straight

butiaintnopussy: i can hear rosters outside and just...

butiaintnopussy: wtf gotham

presidntofthelesbianplantassociation: so its not weird for oswald to have penguins in a nightclub

presidntofthelesbianplantassociation: but a man with chicken is judged?

butiaintnopussy: no i judge penguin’s aesthetic

briefcasebi: you're literally a cat lady

butiaintnopussy: my cats came before my crimes

salad.lesbian: mad respect

presidntofthelesbianplantassociation: :( im so over clowns

salad.lesbian: but babe you were a badass before clowns!

salad.lesbian changed presidntofthelesbianplantassociation’s username to, badass♡doctor

badass♡doctor: aw red💕💕💕

briefcasebi: I would say I’ve lost respect for you

briefcasebi: But I haven't

butiaintnopussy: my lesbians <3

butiaintnopussy: am i allowed to say that?

salad.lesbian: I give you the card

butiaintnopussy: im 99% sure if i need card i shouldnt say it

briefcasebi: At least you have good intuition

…..

presidentoftheriddler?fanclub: Can one of you teach me how to change my user?

cleverquips: dont!! >:/

salad.lesbian: oh my god, you two are awful

salad.lesbian changed presidentoftheriddler?fanclub’s username to gayforriddles

gayforriddles: ...Why do I try?

…..

iceinmyveins: It’s snowing :)

butiaintnopussy: <3

*sipstea*: <3

badass♡doctor: <3

salad.lesbian: unpopular opinion, ew

salad.lesbian: no offense Fries

iceinmyveins: It’s okay, we can’t all be built like that 

*sipstea*: Did he just…

…..

riddle¿♤¿♤¿stans

theprettyone: ordering uber eats, y'all want anything?

thegreenone: ignoring tht u just said ‘ya’ll’ unironically, green smoothie

thesmartone: ^ agreed

theprettyone: fine fine, jamba?

thegreenone: yes ma'am 

theprettyone: does your bf want anything?

thegreenone: nope~

thesmartone: i’ll forever question ur taste in men

thegreenone: i know, thanks nina 💚

thesmartone: thanks nina💕💕

theprettyone: 💕💚💕💚💕💚💕💚💕💚💕

…..

CASTRATE THE JOKER

professor.fear: Joker is spamming and abutiaintnopussying for Harley

professor.fear: It's refusing to let me block him

#1plantactivist: mute him?

snowmister: Perhaps baiting him with false information?

gayforriddles: While the first suggestion is reasonable, I like the way Victor thinks. Thank you.

snowmister: I'm honored, Jonathan.

#1plantactivist: nerds

…..

ew: Jonny? where is my harleen?

ew: Professor straw?

ew: a

ew: n

ew: s

ew: w

ew: e

ew: r

ew: m

ew: e

ew: why are you trying to block me??? im offended crow

ew: I could come talk in person if you'd prefer 

scarecrow: She’s volunteering @wayneenterprise & she's not ‘yours’

ew: !!i knew you'd pull through

ew disabled themselves

scarecrow: Fuckin creep

…..

Private chat

Jervis: I’m sending tea and biscuits, do you have any allergies?

Victor: No. May I ask why you’re sending them?

Jervis: I already ‘overloaded’ Jon and Ms. Quinns tins and I have more tea goods.

Victor: Oh well, thank you.

Jervis: No problem ^^

.....

Private Chat

professor jonny: Joker is looking for you, I sent him off your trail for now, but be careful

harleen: aw jonny! don’t worry, I will! <3

…..

no one here is straight

briefcasebi: So apparently Batman can find me if I don’t turn off my location. Also he can listen to our phone calls!

cleverquips: yep

badass♡doctor: mmhm

butiaintnopussy: This is common knowledge

briefcasebi: But that’s illegal!

briefcasebi: Shouldn’t we sue him.

cleverquips: we r all criminals :))))

badass♡doctor: we don’t get rights :))))

butiaintnopussy: well this is creepy

briefcasebi: It is a federal crime to wiretap or to use a machine to capture the communications of others without court approval, unless one of the parties has given their prior consent. It is likewise a federal crime to use or disclose any information acquired by illegal wiretapping or electronic eavesdropping.

badass♡doctor: sorry harvey, quoting the law is useless with batman

cleverquips: at least it’s not superman

butiaintnopussy: Ed are you a batman stan????

cleverquips: i'm so hurt rn

briefcasebi: its okay if you do, Batman validates my bisexual

badass♡doctor: ^

butiaintnopussy: ^^

…..

cleverquips created a new group chat

cleverquips added, butiaintnopussy, badass♡doctor, and briefcasebi

cleverquips changed the group chat’s name to: Batman validates my bisexual

badass♡doctor: be bi, do crime

…..

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a fun side project, my wips will eventually complete themselves


End file.
